Situationally funny.
"I filed my own taxes incorrectly for three years. I hired a tax accountant on the fourth, realized I had reported my rental income improperly, and owed about $35,000."
"We refer to our first marriages as our 'practice marriages' and know we were meant to be, but wouldn't be who we are today without having gone through the process to get here."
"I’m in trauma therapy now partially because I cannot bring myself to go to the doctor because I’m so confident they won’t listen or do anything to help."
"I finally had to ban her from my apartment."
"Everybody quit over the next few months because he was a complete jerk."
Sometimes, you need a second (or third, or fourth) opinion.
"Last I'd heard, they were as poor as they were before winning."
"Do you believe in life after love?"
"Unfortunately, it's a dirty, dirty business where almost anything can go wrong."
"It was awkward because the son of the bride was involved in the murder of the groom's nephew."
"The baby had a Burberry swimsuit."
"On the first night of our honeymoon, I got horrendously sick, and he left me alone in our room to go watch something on the big screen on the beach. So much for in sickness and in health!"
"I've flown round trip to Chicago for $30, Houston for $45, Miami for $50, etc."
"He glued the TV remote to the table, the phone to its cradle, the couch pillows to the couch, and even glued the vacuum cleaner to the carpet. She called the police and reported this as property damage."
"I was having a long and difficult labor with our daughter, and he told me to hurry up because he had to go to work."
"Please don't marry someone when you know it's doomed. Divorce is far messier than a canceled wedding."
"I said to my ex: 'I want you to put me first the way I put you first.' My ex responded: 'I can't imagine anything worse.' There was no coming back from that."
"I give myself permission to relax. No one can judge, observe, or bother me, so I can read, watch a silly movie or show, or do nothing. It’s bliss."
"He lied about spending the day with her, but I saw the Instagram pics."
"It was awkward because the son of the bride was involved in the murder of the groom's nephew."